Reflecting on our old playgroup: Dads with kids at Halloween

L at two years old

J on his second birthday

The Terrible Two's & Mommy Angst

Today's anxiety ridden playgroup was brought to us by the letter "M" for Meltdown and brought me right back to my early mommy years with J and our playgroup in Cincinnati.

At the time, that playgroup was really my only connection to other young moms, as most of our friends did not have children yet or weren't in the same stage of life that we were. I not only enjoyed their friendships and the ability to add outings to our schedule, I NEEDED it. And I don't know that I would have survived as well without it. As Kate, Front Porch Girl, will probably attest, we were a tight oiled machine back then. Everyone was on their first child and for a brief moment in time, we were all in the exact same place in life together at the exact same time.

But there were times I would go home feeling isolated or beat down. J was one of the oldest in the group so as they were sitting around having wonderful conversations while their infants played close by, I was chasing a walking toddler around and trying to coax him off the steps or out of the trash can. And he was never good at transitions either. When it was time to leave, he would sometimes throw a massive fit and it would take all of my strength and sanity to get him to the car, buckled in and home. More than once I would come home in tears, silently blaming my toddler for being difficult and even worse, blaming myself for resenting him.

And as life progressed, that diminished, kids got older and I haven't thought about those transitional months at all. That delicate balance of sometimes trying hard, yet still feeling like a failure. And now that L has approached that stage of life, I have again become aware of it.

But this time its different. I accept it and maybe even understand it a bit more. I am a bit more relaxed in dealing with it. The trigger today was fatigue, as she passed out cold as soon as she got home and fell into bed. The numerous meltdowns and our grand exit with screaming and streaming tears didn't bother me so much. I didn't care what others thought, I didn't care that she was ending my lunch early or that I was no longer able to enjoy the sales at Old Navy as planned. I just knew that she needed to get home and that I was going to need to be patient and flexible.

I hope this time around I can ejoy the Two's a bit more than I did with J and stop being so uptight. Because Leenie girl, there isn't a thing you can try on me that your brother hasn't already done.

I wear my purple heart badge of the Toddler Wars proudly.