I Have Literally Become The White Elephant In The Room

How many months until the Triathlon? Best we not count right now.

I haven't been that great yet about working out (read three yoga classes and a step since January). Lately, we just spin The Wheel Of Germs and see what exciting prizes await us. Yesterday morning I got Vertigo! and then in the afternoon L got Fever, which is on the wheel way too much. It's like the 40 cent spot on the Price is Right.

I had planned to attend step last night at the gym and gave up those dreams when I woke up in the morning and kept falling to my right side (why the right side you ask? I have no idea) with dizziness and nausea. I didn't feel comfortable driving a car, let alone jumping up and down on an aerobic step. I kept envisioning myself enthusiastically turning in continuous right circles to Vogue and the awkward stares from the other classmates who would obviously be thinking I didn't know they let special people in the gym unattended.

But as the day went on and I got a good nap in, the dizziness wore off and I was out of excuses for not going, besides the fact that I just didn't want to "shake things up again". Keith strongly encouraged (read nagged) me to just try and go and I thought what better way to do step than dirty and out of sorts? And so I was off to participate in my first step class...ever.

I have had years of dance training so I felt like I could pick up the steps pretty quickly - or at least well enough to survive a class full of regulars. And I did okay, there were few coordinated sequences that my tired brain was just not grasping but my ability was fairly good for a first-timer.

It was my appearance that was horrifying.

I think it was Oprah that coined the term "Shlumpadink" and that is the best adjective I can think of to describe my work out appearance. I have never been overly concerned about what I look like at the gym. After all, this is Wisconsin, not South Beach, and most women that go there are fairly normal looking. I can slide into the middle of the pack - does not stand out, easily forgotten.

But can someone point me in the direction of a mirror at home please?

Pastey white skin that hasn't seen sun in months, unwashed hair slid back in a ridiculous headband, too small grey tshirt leftover from colllege that hugs the baby-created love handles, light colored yoga pants that cling the thigh saddlebags while discolored from sweat in EVERY. PLACE. THAT. I'VE. NEVER. SWEATED. BEFORE. and clunky bright white sneakers that were still bright white because you need to exercise in order to get them to that "worn look".

I stood and stared for a long time surprised that I actually looked like that and even more surprised that I didn't realize it before.

When did this happen?

When did I turn into the "Before" version of myself?

Must fix this before I start looking like the cracked-out version of Amy Winehouse, but without the Grammys.